Diego Silang: Battered Men Seek Divorce, Equal Protection

A group of men called Diego Silang is working with women and other advocates to push for divorce in the Philippines as well as equal protection of the law through the amendment of Republic Act (RA) No. 9262 or the Anti-Violence Against Women and their Children Act of 2004.

Founded in 2008, the group has about 2,000 members giving advice and assistance to men in need.

“Most members have troubles in their married life, battered men, men with pending cases (related to RA 9262), men who experienced jail time through different cases filed against them by their wives, girlfriends,” one of the forces behind the group, artist Rom Factolerin, told The Philippine STAR in an email. Other members include sympathizers such as mothers who have sons having difficulties with their wives.

The group was originally formed to have RA 9262 revised to serve both men and women victims of abuse, but until today, Factolerin lamented that “our appeal…still falls on deaf ears.”

“But we will not stop until we can gather all data and collect our strength together to lobby for its amendment,” he vowed.

Factolerin became part of the group in 2007 after meeting the founder, Karlo Alamares, a fellow writer.

“Through writing stories, articles and essays, we came to discover that we both are victims of our violent spouses. He had a blogsite at the time and migrated to creating a Facebook page (named) Diego Silang Movement and asked me to be an administrator and co-founder,” Factolerin said.

As they bring out men’s issues to the public, Factolerin admits it has not been easy for male victims to open up.

“Our big challenge as of now is how to make men speak about their abuses. In our chat group, there are numerous cases (brought) to us by men members who are abused and some of them are quite alarming,” Factolerin said.

Some of the complaints brought to them include being unjustly charged by wives with violation of RA 9262, acts of violence and infidelity.

According to Factolerin, these cases are “very humiliating to men,” but they are scared of becoming the “laughingstock of the community” if they talk about the problems.

Due to lack of funds, Factolerin says they still do not have an office and members provide the help to one another themselves. One of the members, Factolerin discloses, needed a new job as he became partly paralyzed after the wife hit his head against the wall.

Why the name Diego Silang? “Just to give honor to one of our male hero and incidentally husband of Gabriela Silang,” Factolerin said.

Diego Silang is a Filipino rebel leader who took advantage of the British forces’ Manila invasion to overthrow the Spanish in northern Philippines. But he was assassinated and his wife Garbiela continued the struggle.

   

Going beyond the stereotype

As the bills on divorce are refiled, Factolerin states they are joining the women proponents of the measure because “we have all experienced how it is to be in a tumultuous relationship that affects the children.”

“Ending it is one big solution, to have a second chance at taking back your lost life and instilling security among the children,” he said.

The existence of  their group, Factolerin emphasizes, “is living proof of the solidarity” not just between men and women but also with the LGBT community.

“The issue on divorce does not only concern women but also men and the children…There should be no fight,” Factolerin said, referring to divorce advocates.

Factolerin explains their group does not think divorce will erode the sanctity of marriage, contrary to what some lawmakers are saying.

“The Filipino family is fast evolving into something different than what conservative people might think,” he noted.

Because of various circumstances, Factolerin expresses belief the typical Filipino family has changed.

He cited as example the families of overseas Filipino workers. “A motherless or fatherless home isn’t exactly what we envision… they have to work far away in order to survive, but we Filipinos coped with that.”

Factolerin stresses that parents’ parting of ways in case of separation or divorce should not stop them from raising children who can “adapt intellectually and emotionally.”

Further reading: Legalizing divorce in the Philippines: What you need to know

He laments the stigma that is attached in the Philippines to those who are separated or divorced.

“When you say divorce, they are thinking about the United States as an example,” he said, noting the ease by which people can get in and out of marriages in the US, which worries Filipinos who value the sanctity of marriage.

Factolerin argues that lawmakers should not confine themselves to ugly aspects of divorce and their generalized points of view.

Members of Congress “can’t comprehend the urgency of the matter” and their idea that with divorce, people will jump from one relationship to another is “shallow,” he says.

Factolerin thinks a “middle ground where we can settle for a favorable version of the law” can be reached.

For instance, he says divorce should be readily available for a couple when the father rapes his daughter. It will not be good for the family to stay under one roof if this happens, he adds.

“We support any move of our lawmakers toward important changes and deviation from the traditional thinking that primarily sinks us and pushes us backwards,” Factolerin said.

Under Senate Bill No. 356 or An Act Instituting Absolute Divorce in the Philippines, Sen. Risa Hontiveros included all acts mentioned under Section 5 of RA 9262 among the grounds for divorce.

Another ground related to the law against domestic violence is when one of the spouses has been sentenced by final judgment under RA 9262, or a permanent protection order has been issued in favor of the petitioner spouse against the other spouse.