MARATHON MENTALITY: How Anthony Pangilinan And Maricel Laxa Manage To Stay Together

After 30 years of being married, it still takes a lot of prayers and effort for celebrity couple Anthony Pangilinan and Maricel Laxa-Pangilinan not to fall apart. Emotions no longer get in the way too much, and in fact, they compare keeping a marriage to a marathon – a long run where participants should employ a systematic and strategic approach to reach the finish the line.

Early on in their marriage, Anthony said in previous interviews that Maricel seemed to be wanting more of a father figure than a husband while they also had to go through many challenges like the need to take son Benjamin to the United States for treatment of a heart ailment, without much resources.

Fans of Anthony and Maricel couldn’t help but wonder how they could pull surprises – like joining marathons not just as a couple but as a family – when raising five children was already a gargantuan task.

“You know what? It doesn’t feel like 30 years, it feels like 50,” Anthony said in jest during an interview on “Breakthrough with Boris Joaquin” livestreamed on the Facebook pages of The Philippine STAR and CareerGuide last Wednesday, July 26.

Maricel, for her part, confessed that she feels even more giddy being with Anthony nowadays.

“It’s so nice to be where we are right now. For me, I still look at Anthony in a way that has a lot of kilig. In fact, more kilig now than before,” she said.

Anthony, a motivational speaker, management consultant, media practitioner, professional coach and “chief disturber” as he calls himself,  is now 58 years old, while Maricel, an actress, is 53. They are sharing how they keep their marriage intact through a book called “Marriage is a Marathon.”  

“Marriage is a marathon because in the starting line, oh my God! There’s a band, there are crowds... it’s like a wedding and something you’d post on Instagram. But when the crowds and band disappear, and you’re in the midst of your run, you start to question why you’re even in it,” Anthony explained in a mix of English and Filipino. 

The second half and making it to the finish line are the hardest parts, he noted.

Anthony admitted that he and Maricel would want to break up every five or 10 years.

“It’s like that right? When you’re in a marathon, like you’re on the 30th kilometer, you’re deciding [whether] to run every step [or not]. Because you don’t know (if), after two steps, you don’t want to run anymore,” Anthony said. “But no, you press on.”

Maricel pointed out that she and Anthony continue to strengthen their marriage’s foundation. They have become more relaxed and have clearer ideas on how to go through with their marriage given the security that they now have.

“At the same time, (we are) excited to give more spice so that the next half and the third half will be so much…better than the first half…the best is yet to come palagi (always) and hindi ‘yung okay ka na (and not settling),” Maricel said. 

‘Panindigan mo’
Maricel stressed that couples should learn to stand by their decision to get married. She said husbands and wives could go back to the choice they made every time they would encounter difficulties and question why they should stay together. 

“I think that’s very important for you to make a choice, that decision and stick to it. ‘Yun ang babalikan at babalikan mo eh, bakit ka nandito? ‘Pag tinatanong mo, (bakit) ka nga ba nandito, eh nag-desisyon ka eh,” Maricel emphasized.

“Ano ‘yung desisyon mo? Paninindigan mo ba o tatakbuhan mo? (What’s you decision? Are you going to stand by or run away from it?) It starts with a decision, even with our faith, it starts with a decision, who do you want to follow? Where are you gonna go? How are you gonna get there?” she said.

Anthony added that “we make a decision to be married every day.”

Guiding ‘LIGHT’

According to Anthony, he and his wife engage in “better” fights now and they are not ashamed to seek help from a third party during times of conflicts and uncertainties.

“Better, not naman less, better, which means we are able to fight fair more than we used to. Meron na kaming mga better ways of fighting,” Anthony said, adding there would be no more dishonesty or disregard on their part in case of fights. “Parang sport, parang marathon, right? You run better. You’re still in a competition, you still wanna win, but you play by the rules...hindi ka na nandadaya kagaya ng dati or bahala ka sa buhay mo, you know?”

“You still sometimes wanna make your point, you feel like you need to be heard, and you will not let something go na alam mong dapat ipaglaban. Pero hindi na kami ganoon kalakas sumigaw, ‘di ko na sinusuntok ‘yung pader (But we don’t shout too loud anymore, I no longer punch the wall,” Anthony further said.

He and Maricel also realized that it would be best to fight together and not each other or they would both be at the losing end.

“There’s a process to go to that point where to you it seems to look good because behind the scenes, we really fight it out together. You know, the struggles, the challenges, the things to celebrate. It’s behind the scenes,” Maricel said.

She bared that she and Anthony agreed not to broadcast everything that they are going through as a couple.

Anthony said couples can fix their situation by calling a third party. 

“One of the best things that we did,” he disclosed, was to tap their trusted mentors or advisers every time they could not resolve misunderstandings.

Anthony revealed that he once sat down with Bob Bufford, a cable-TV pioneer, social entrepreneur, author and venture philanthropist who co-founded Leadership Network in 1984 and the Halftime Institute in 1998, to determine how people manage to succeed in the second half of their lives.

Quoting Bufford, Anthony enumerated the five things that people after 35 or 40 prioritize: “Number one is their life partner. Number two, meron silang inner circle na tinatakbuhan (They have an inner circle that they run to). Pangatlo (Third), somehow, they are pursuing God’s purpose, they don’t have it perfectly set in their mind pero may (but there is) pursuit…of what God wants from them…Four, you still take care of your health, and five, you’re committed to transformation, na mabago ka pa rin even if nasa second half ka na.”

“And you know what, when he shared that with me, I jumbled the words and I realized, there’s an acronym again. LIGHT. You want light in your life. You want light in the center of your life… light with you until the finish line,” Anthony said.

With the help of God, friends and accountability, Anthony declared that a bond could not easily be broken.

Maricel said their children sometimes act as the referee when they have disagreements.

Anthony recalled their daughter Solana, the youngest, once asked him to say sorry to Maricel for raising his voice.

They also expressed gratefulness that their children encourage or even push them to go on romantic dates.

“No one among the five will stay quiet and just ignore what they can see is a problem between me and Maricel...that’s what we are so thankful for,” Anthony said.

Advice to couples

Before taking the plunge, Anthony and Maricel advised couples to know their route and seek pointers from those who have tied the knot ahead of them. They highlighted the fact that not all marriages could be successful and a spouse could walk away in times of abuse – physical, emotional or whatever – and wait for God’s grace to transform a partner. Anthony explained that a man and a woman should also learn to protect themselves.

Maricel said they chose “Marriage is a Marathon” as book title because “we have ran marathons around the world together” which made them realize that “the same principles apply to training, racing, recovering from a marathon as if you were doing it also in real life with your marriage, your personal life, career, everything.”

“Ask those who have gone before you. Kasi ‘wag ka sasabak sa isang marathon or marriage without asking who have gone before you. Ano bang milestones? What are the hardest times? Where will you enjoy the most? What stage will you want to quit?” Anthony imparted. “Why do you want to commit the same mistake, why don’t you get their wisdom?”

“Once you have an idea of how others have ran their race before you, then you don’t have to be surprised with everything that’s happening…may foresight,” Anthony said.

Maricel urged married couples to read their book where they tackled how marriages could thrive and not just survive.“Hold each other’s hands and start training for your marriage…Don’t just take these things for granted. Pag-aralan ninyo. How have we been? Saan ba tayo pwede pa mag-improve? Kumusta ka ba?” 

Watch the full episode of “Breakthrough with Boris Joaquin” here: