Why It’s Important To Teach Our Children About Consent Even At A Young Age
“It helps them understand that their bodies are their own.”
We cannot deny that we live in a conservative society. Topics that allude to sex may be prevalent in our daily social media consumption, but actually talking about it is considered taboo or, at best, awkward, and some may even taunt you and say “you’re going to hell” for engaging in such a conversation.
There is a link there as to why victims of sexual violence, harassment, and assault get the blame for the deed, as if they brought these upon themselves. Instead of talking about how to end this culture, society puts an emphasis on what victims should have done instead: “She shouldn’t have been walking alone at night,” “She shouldn’t be wearing short skirts,” “She should have brought tasers and pepper sprays.” It’s been said before: it is never the victim’s fault. Proper sex education and respect for individuals’ rights will save millions from trauma -- and both of these start at home.
Dr. Angelo Subida, a psychotherapist and author, emphasizes how important it is to teach our children the concept of consent. “Children gain a lot from this by applying appropriate values that will serve them well in their personal life development, relationships, and career.”
But what is “consent” in the first place? According to Irishka Macaraeg, a childcare worker and counseling psychologist, “Consent includes knowing and respecting a person's own boundaries as well as the boundaries of others. Understanding it means that a person has the skill to leave a situation that doesn't feel comfortable, and respects when other people want to do the same.”
Clinical psychologist Ma. Alodia Mercado says that educating children about consent is important to keep them aware of sexual health. “Most often, children perceive that since they are younger (inferior to older ages) they must always say yes to people around them.” By teaching them what consent is, they can gain these advantages:
- Emotional authenticity
According to Mercado, children’s emotions can easily change in an instant, which may lead to changes in their mind as well. “Teaching them to be real about how they feel, [and] whether they like to be touched or not, allows them to become empowered about respect to their emotions.”
- Ownership
“By teaching children about consent, they may have a clearer understanding about the ownership of their body,” she says. “They may permit and inhibit someone based on how they think and feel at a specific moment.”
Is it advisable for kids to be taught about consent at an early age?
“The proper timing of building awareness about healthy consent must begin from the time the child starts perceiving his environment,” says Mercado. Contrary to popular belief, conversations about consent do not happen in one sitting. “Parents must know that healthy consent education is a process. It starts with making your children be mindful about their five senses and how they can pick up verbal and non-verbal gestures of people around them.” This continues until they grow older, even until adulthood.
Macaraeg agrees, “It helps them understand that their bodies are their own and that they have every right to make decisions about it, including letting them decide whether they'd like to offer or receive a hug or kiss.”
Parents must start with themselves
To effectively convey its importance, parents must educate themselves as well. According to Dr. Subida, “[It’s crucial] for parents to be models to their children. They can do it in two ways: be a candle of the light you want to give the kids, or be a mirror of that light.”
Mercado suggests that before parents can open this conversation to their children, they must not feel any tension in their body when talking about the topic. “They can lessen such reactions by allowing themselves to be educated too. They must possess proper skills in disseminating correct information to their child.”
What are healthy ways to teach your kids about consent?
- Teach them that talking about body parts should not be humiliating.
“Teach them the correct vocabulary early instead of using slang or code words to describe their genitals,” Macaraeg recommends. “Give them the correct, scientific words to describe their anatomical parts including words like vulva, vagina, anus, penis, testicles etc.”
Correct and proper labels break down stigma and help them to not feel embarrassed or humiliated when talking about their sexuality and body. “Avoid misinterpretations. Ditching the slang makes young children much better equipped to report sexual exploitation or physical abuse,” she adds.
- Be ready to answer their questions.
As kids get older, they get curious about a lot of things. “Be ready to answer their questions and never leave them unsatisfied with your answers,” says Mercado. “The key here are reconciliation and closure of what they believe in and what they should do in practical life. Avoid reprimanding them for asking questions which you are uncomfortable with. Your authenticity to them is very important too.”
It is important that you react naturally, which means that if you are afraid or shocked, let them know. “As you end your conversation with them, appreciate them for coming forward to share what have been bothering them,” she adds.
- Respect your child’s decisions.
Do not force them to do something they are uncomfortable doing, such as kissing or hugging someone. Mercado says, “You must set an example yourself, that you know how to put boundaries whenever they told you to ‘stop’ or ‘no.’ For instance, when your child tells you to stop touching them, kissing or tickling them, you have to let them go.”
According to Macaraeg, “As they grow up, of course, parents need to teach their child bodily autonomy and independence, the concept that an individual has control over what happens to their body, including who gets to touch it.”
- Build their self-esteem.
Continue to praise and recognize your child’s individuality. Mercado says that when children grow older, parents think that they do not need words of encouragement or praises anymore. However, being able to show them that you consistently support them will influence how they value themselves.
“Walk the talk. As you educate them, let them witness how you apply those concepts as well at home,” she says.
- Be a role model.
Children repeat behaviors they see from their parents. “Role modeling is one of the most powerful tools a parent can have in their parenting tool belt to influence the direction of their child's character,” says Macaraeg. “When used to their best advantage, parents can pass on the values they want their children to adopt so that they become the adults they would like them to be.”
For more information, you may contact Dr. Angelo Subida, Ms. Irishka Macaraeg, and Ms. Ma. Alodia Mercado,PhDCand.,RPm,RPsy.
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