The Pandemic Has Made Us Appreciate Low-Maintenance Friendships
You may not talk for weeks or months, but you know they will always be there for you.
Our social lives have definitely changed, and continue to do so, during the COVID-19 pandemic. Before the quarantine, a fun Friday night would not be complete without glasses of red wine and dinner with friends. Now, we stick to virtual Netflix marathons to “spend time” with them—it’s the best we could do now that we’re miles apart.
I lost some friends in the past year, mainly because we can’t really hang out, and there’s nothing to talk about since we’re all in this never-ending cycle of community quarantines anyway. We’d send “let’s hang out soon!” messages without knowing when that “soon” will actually be. Then, we just stopped reaching out.
This is the part where low-maintenance friendships truly thrive.
For 19-year-old college student Jan Lee Arnan, a low-maintenance friendship is “when you're comfortable enough with someone that you know you can still maintain the same level of friendship/intimacy with them, even if you aren't constantly in touch with them.”
“Hindi kayo obligado na kausapin ‘yung isa't isa, ginagawa niyo lang kapag gusto niyo o kapag may pag-uusapan na,” says Jan Lee. “Hindi mo rin sila 'kailangan' palagi, like you can go about your day without the need to talk to them, and they can too, and that's fine for the both of you.”
We’re all dealing with different struggles during the pandemic, and low-maintenance friendships offer love, care, and support without the pressure or expectation to give them 100% of your time. But this doesn’t mean you don’t care about each other; it just means you respect each other’s boundaries.
“The pandemic had cut my physical connection with my friends by maybe 90 percent! Not that we didn’t want to see each other pero I think other than the fact na nakakatakot pa din lumabas and to have gatherings, I got used na din to staying at home all the time, I’m [not that] interested in going out,” shares 24-year-old entrepreneur Hannah Turingan.
In high school and college, Hannah admits that she used to be a high-maintenance friend. While there is absolutely nothing wrong with being one, she learned to appreciate the dull moments that come with growing up, and that includes accepting the reality that your friends aren’t always going to be across the street or one Facebook chat away.
“I was always that ‘attached’ friend who’s malambing, clingy, and matampuhin. But when I started working and up to this day, I’ve evolved into a low-maintenance friend na. When you’re out in the ‘real world,’ so many things keep happening instantly [at] sabay-sabay, so parang ‘yung time and energy mo mostly, du’n napupunta sa pag-figure out ng life after school,” she shares.
Thankfully, living in the digital age allows us to stay in touch with our barkada even if it’s nearly impossible to hang out. And for 33-year-old entrepreneur Estelle de Mata, the occasional birthday greetings and Instagram story replies are enough make her friends feel the ~love~.
“Before the pandemic, I’d see my friends maybe twice a month at most. But when the pandemic happened, I think I’ve seen my friends maybe once in 2020 and zero times this year. We would sometimes talk through chat or email na lang,” she shares.
When things get tough, however, Estelle knows she can still just call a friend. “I called one of my friends last month because I needed help with something super important. I didn’t feel any weird vibes or anything. It still felt natural, like nothing changed,” she says.
The importance of low-maintenance friendships during isolation
While low-maintenance friends are important regardless of the situation, Jan Lee says that they are extremely appreciated during times we feel isolated and anxious, but don’t have enough energy to actually engage in social situations.
“I don't know if it's just me, but it gets really tiring if I'm constantly expected to interact with people for long periods of time,” she says.
“It may be a common misconception for people that low-maintenance friendships would mean a lack of trust or ease towards one another, but I don't think it works that way. For me, low-maintenance friendships involve trusting each other enough that you can find a place beside them whenever you're ready to talk and be with them.”
Additionally, having low-maintenance friendships does not mean that you’ll be further isolated from your loved ones! In fact, Jan Lee believes that it allows you to have time for yourself and your responsibilities, knowing that when you’re ready to get out of your shell again, your friends are still by your side to listen. And that’s exactly what we need during this tough time.
