Should You Live Together Before Getting Married? Couples Share Their Experiences
“Mas nakilala namin ang isa’t isa.”
We are aware that society has always viewed premarital cohabitation (more popularly known as “live-in”) as something to be upset about. Many of us were taught that living with a romantic partner before marriage is not the “proper” way to go as it deviates from tradition.
A few years ago, Filipina actress and singer Nadine Lustre was asked to confirm or deny rumors that she was living with singer-songwriter James Reid, to which she answered: “I mean, if that was true, so what? Hindi ba? It's not new anymore. It's normal na eh. Come on, guys, it's 2017!"
The phrase became so popular on social media that it became a meme for the years to come. It also started a conversation among netizens about why live-in arrangements are still so scandalous in the 21st century.
Data suggests, however, that more and more Filipinos are embracing this setup, and choose to cohabit with their partners before getting married.
According to the Philippine National Demographic and Health Survey (NDHS), the proportion of Filipino women who are legally married dropped from 54% in 1993 to 42% in 2017. The figure among those who are living together, however, tripled from 5% to 18%. The same survey shows that cohabitation is prominent in the younger age groups, especially those in their early twenties.
Data from the 2013 Young Adult Fertility and Sexuality Study (YAFS) reveal that 46% of this age group cited “economic concerns” as the main reason for living together.
“In contrast, the proportion who agreed that ‘it is better to have a bad marriage than no marriage at all’ declined from 32% in 1994 to 27% in 2002. This indicates that although most Filipinos still value marriage as the legitimate avenue for procreation, a significant proportion would rather not marry than endure a bad marriage.
“This is a significant break from the past when couples were expected to stay together despite marital problems for the sake of their children.”
While cohabitation before marriage remains debatable in our culture (likely because of our conservative roots), these couples say why they lean towards the idea.
It’s more practical.
Janice, 25 has been living with her partner Christian, 27, since 2018. They were a year into their relationship when they decided that moving in together would be the best idea.
“We were both living in Manila back in 2018, our apartments were 15 minutes away from each other kaya sobrang lapit lang talaga. We would see each other every day and would even sleep over the other’s apartment, so para na din kaming live-in nu’n,” shares Janice. “Nag-usap kami at nag-agree kami na hindi din practical ‘yung dalawang renta pa binabayaran namin, kuryente, pamasahe, kung halos araw-araw din naman kami nagkikita.”
When they moved in together, they saw their savings increase.
“It’s more practical kasi hati kayo sa lahat,” Christian explains. “’Yung ginagastos ko dati para puntahan siya, nagagamit namin para sa ibang bagay ngayon.”
You will get to know your partner better.
“Dito ko nalaman na sobrang kalat ng jowa ko,” says Gen, 27, who started living with her 27-year-old partner Eric just last year. In February 2021, they got engaged. “He’s so messy! If we didn’t live together before getting engaged, I would not have known. At mas marami pa siguro kami kailangan i-compromise,” she adds.
Eric also learned little bits and pieces of Gen’s personality since moving in together.
“’Yung skincare at makeup routine niya, ‘yung paborito niyang pinapatugtog habang nasa shower, her love for cleaning,” Eric says he wouldn’t have known these things, among others, if they didn’t live together. “We learned a lot about each other, at s’yempre hindi lahat ng ‘yun, maganda, but we learned to compromise. It made us love each other more.”
This is when you’ll know if you really want to get married.
Janice and Christian had been living together for a year and a half when they got engaged. Through cohabitation, they learned each other’s personality traits and imperfections, and decided that they wanted to be together for the rest of their lives.
“Moving in together is when you’ll know your partner’s imperfections,” says Janice. “Lahat naman tayo may imperfections at may mga bagay na hindi gusto ng iba at okay lang ‘yun.”
She says that at the end of the day, what matters is that you are both willing to work on the not-so-desirable traits of your relationship. According to Christian, “If you can’t stand living together, then why get married?”
It’s not anyone else’s business, anyway.
In the famous words of Nadine Lustre, come on guys, it’s 2021!
“It’s not for everyone,” says Gen. “Para sa iba, mas gugustuhin nila ikasal muna bago tumira nang magkasama. Iba-iba tayo eh.”
However, living together before getting married proved to be beneficial to them. “As long as you’re treating each other right, you’re living peacefully, wala naman dapat [pakialam] ‘yung ibang tao sa living arrangements niyo.”
